Couples therapy
Relationships can be our greatest pleasure, but when they go wrong, it hurts. Some couples fracture after a fight or a betrayal, while others drift away from each other over time. The pressures of life, especially work and children, can make a partner feel like a housemate you don’t really know.
In couples therapy, you and your partner work with me to understand what's gone wrong, resolve conflicts, and find a way back to each other. I have been privileged to see many couples move from crisis, conflict, or distance back into warmth, desire, trust and love.
Who is it for?
People bring all sorts of issues into couples therapy. I commonly see people seeking help with:
ongoing conflict, persistently fighting over small things, or having damaging blow ups
recovery from emotional or physical infidelity
loss of desire or mismatched libido
lack of intimacy, connection, closeness
the effect of addictions
life transitions
I have found couples therapy can be helpful at all stages of a relationship and for people from all walks of life, including those who have never been to therapy before. As long as both partners can stay with the process, there is a good chance that things can get better.
What to expect
Couples therapy is collaborative and focused. Especially in the early stages, we are working purposefully to explore the problem. We want to intervene in a way that works - fairly and sustainably - for both partners. This can sometimes be about what is said and heard in the room, and it can sometimes be about changes that are effected outside of it. Very often it is both.
Many couples are nervous coming into couples therapy. I will guide you and help you settle in to the process. It’s true that it can be challenging, especially at the beginning. But it is often meaningful and rewarding, and it can even be fun, especially towards the end! The couples who can put some time and commitment into the process often get a good result.
Many couples feel satisfied within about 6 to 12 sessions. Some need longer, and that is fine. It takes as long as it takes. I am always honest if I don’t think I can help — I don’t want to waste people’s time or keep people in a process if I can’t see a way through to the end of it.
Individual work alongside couples therapy can be very effective. In some cases, I am able to offer this myself - usually for one partner after the couples therapy has concluded. A combination of couples and individual work can sometimes be the best option especially when there is high conflict or we are working with one partner more than the other. Work that focuses on one partner’s side of the relationship, mental health issues, or trauma, for example, is often best done one on one in individual relationship counselling or individual psychotherapy.
Couples therapy often starts in a crisis, and opens up to become a wonderful ongoing practice. I have seen happy couples who continue to come in at their own pace, using therapy to build greater intimacy, work through challenges with parenting, work, and other issues, and keep their relationship strong over time.
Sessions are 50 minutes. In many cases I recommend weekly sessions, but frequency is ultimately up to you.
Read about…
Like couples therapy, relationship counselling is fairly practical and focused on solving issues rather than deep individual work. But in relationship counselling, we work one on one without your partner. This is good when you want to work privately, talk things through for longer, or when your partner does not want to attend. →
Individual relationship counselling
Your own space. Individual psychotherapy is excellent for working through deep, personal issues, whether they affect your relationships or cause you private pain. It can be slower and more detailed, while leading to long lasting change. It is more like a personal practice, while couples therapy is a collaboration. Couples therapy builds mutual understanding, individual psychotherapy builds self understanding. →
Individual psychotherapy
